Love Hurts
Happy Belated Valentine’s Day to all. My V-Day was very sobering—as a mother. My youngest, Jacob, found himself a Valentine—it was cute but I found it rubbing me the wrong way for no particular reason other than it being my only son and youngest child.
For about two years, I’ve been trying to get my oldest, Robyn, into dating perhaps. However, at this point she prefers books over boys. Not that there’s anything wrong with that but I would like to be around when she experiences her “first love” or “first heartbreak” or “first kiss.”
What do I do if it happens while she’s away at college and I can’t be there to “soften a blow.” I’m not kidding myself and I know my only real interest at this point with her is to help control the narrative a bit. But she’s not interested as of yet, the kid has standards at 17, as she should.
Alas, her young brother has found a blossoming friendship. It began about a month ago. He came home with one of those rubber armbands with a bible scripture printed on it. He said a friend from school gave it to him. I didn’t delve much deeper at the time.
About a week after that he was looking franticly for this rubber bracelet asking me if I had washed it with his clothes. Then I started asking questions. I have bought him countless bracelets that he couldn’t care less about, even as he requested them.
He explained that it was from a girl in his class. She is smart, funny, attractive, and tall—in that order. I like that “smart” came first. He explained that they complete assignments together and chat on Instagram when not at school. His iphone is broken, again, and is not fixable this time so they haven’t been communicating through cellular. I was thinking of ordering him a new phone, but I just may hold off a little longer now.
Anyway, I was cool until two weeks ago when we went to visit some high school group presentations as he is an upcoming freshman. On our second tour, he noticed her right away seated in the auditorium as we arrived and immediately deviated from me to speak with her and another classmate seated. I carried on and found a seat with a parent friend and her kid.
He ran over and said “I was going to sit with you mom.” I told him it was okay as there was no seat next to me open and that he could sit with his friends. He smiled and ran off. I glanced in his direction a few minutes later and I’ve never seen the kid smile so big. I knew I was in trouble.
His big sister was in the auditorium to give a presentation so I texted her that he was sitting next to a girl. She was focused on her task and didn’t respond. I was feeling some kind of way.
Fast forward to last Wednesday, I pick him up after school and he asked “who is my Valentine.” I said other than myself, you and your sister like always. I typically buy them one of their favorite sweet treats and a small gift for the occasion. He then asked if he could have a Valentine other than me. It made me smile.
Then he asked for advice on how to do so, should he ask “her” to be his Valentine or what. This is where I became “sneaky mom” asking what their relationship was like. He explained that they were just good friends who had several things in common and were on the same page about life right now.
With that in mind, I told him there was no need to ask her, that he could just initiate a kind surprising gesture. I told him we could pick something up Thursday, just get some details like her favorite candy and color. He agreed.
Well Thursday comes, he hops in the car and proceeds to tell me he asked her to be his valentine, against my advice. SMH. My friend Barb agreed with his decision and I thought it sappy for a 13 year old. I wasn’t pleased but we went shopping anyway. We settled on a cute funky card, a small plush, her favorite candy bar, and a small balloon—all for one Alexander Hamilton.
I put it all together in a cute presentation with confetti and a clear bag and bow. All I could think is that she better do something nice for him now that she knows he may do something for her.
Well Friday afternoon comes and you would have thought he just returned from Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. It went well, she liked her gift and he apparently liked his. He received another bracelet, handmade this time, baked cookies (that didn’t make it to pickup), and a personal note. He was very taken with the note that I will admit was honest and cute.
It explained what she saw in him and alluded to his character, I was pleased that she saw good things in him and proud that he is soaking up some life lessons about being a good person from his mom. The note made Barb giddy and my adult niece tear up—sappy suckers! And the note included the “L” word—not the one I would have preferred.
On Saturday, he and I were sitting on the couch when he just blurted out that the day seemed so blah after the best day of his life. I could have thrown up on the spot! I know what you’re thinking—I’ve got to let him grow up. I know, he’ll be 14 in less than a month but that’s my baby boy and he’s always been a bit of an independent “momma’s boy.”
And I can tell this girl friendship is a little different, the last two or three flamed out in weeks. I’m just a mom trying to protect her son while feeling a little threatened by some girl jocking for his feelings. I admit it. I also remember in kindergarten when he asked a girl to be his girlfriend and she said “no.” He was sad but his momma picked him up with some gelato.
Then in first grade there was the over eager girl that wanted to hold his hand, sit next to him on the carpet, and kiss him on the cheek. His teacher pointed those things out to me—she’s still my favorite educator. The same little girl also exclaimed to her mother during lunch on one of those special visitor days that “he was the boy that dumped her” in front of him and his grandmother. My mom loved telling that story!