The Two Shall Be One
The two shall be one. Gen 2:15, 18, 21-24
15The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to till it and keep it. 18Then the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner. 21So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then he took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23Then the man said, This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken. 24 Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.
In the more traditional rendering of this text the word cling is translated, cleave. While touring the village of Westville in south Georgia, I had occasion to observe the blacksmith working at the forge as he crafted many beautiful pieces of iron into useful tools and decorations. As he worked, we had occasion to talk about the many tasks a blacksmith used to perform in the life of the rural village.
One of the signs that a blacksmith was proficient at his craft was his ability to cleave iron. Cleaving iron is the ability to take two pieces of raw iron and to heat them and forge them together in such a way as to be completely seamless when the smith is finished. This is not to say that one cannot see the seam. But rather that the seam does not exist. The two pieces have become one single piece of iron.
This is the image scripture gives us of the first joining of man and woman by marriage. In order for a marriage to work, the husband and wife must truly cleave, become one, with one another. It is common to hear that a marriage is a 50-50 arrangement. In reality, it must be 100 to 100 percent.
If you only give half of your time, attention, or efforts to your job, you will not have that job very long. The same is true of marriage. If you only give a half effort, you will have only half a marriage. You must commit yourself to give all of yourself to the other in order to make a marriage successful.
It is only when the iron of the smith’s forge yielding itself to receive the iron of the second piece that it can be truly bonded, cleaved, together.
This does not imply that two persons as they enter marriage cease to be individuals. The Bride and the Groom will still be the individuals they are on their wedding day. They will have the same likes, dislikes, temperaments, and such that they have always had. How can these two people become one without losing their individuality? How do they remain individuals without destroying the unity? The answer is found in unconditional love.
They must seek to find a way to yield their self in such a manner as to accommodate the needs, desires, and temperament of their mate in order to form a new relationship. This is done as each hammers out difficulties and necessities of life on the anvil of experience. You do not lose your self in the other, you find your self. You become one, and yet remain distinct.
That is the mystery of the marriage covenant. A good marriage is one that is worked at and worked on by both partners daily. It can be accomplished only as one shows respect and love to the other day-by-day, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute.
Romans 12:10 tells us to: Love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. This is the foundation on which a successful marriage can be built. It is in giving of one’s self to some one else that a true sense of self worth is found. The old adage: It is better to give than to receive—holds true in the sense that it is in giving to someone that we receive the greatest sense of accomplishment. We can enjoy watching the bride and the groom open their gifts as much—if not more than if the gifts were ours. If marriage is to work, the partners must place their mate ahead of themselves not grudgingly, but willingly.
Marriage is difficult at best. It is not a warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of your stomach. It is not even great kissing and the other sensual stuff. Marriage is total commitment to the defense and preservation of a special relationship at all costs.
It is the complete giving of one’s self unconditionally to another without reservation. It is being willing to yield self to the betterment of the other willingly. It is being willing to cleave to one another so that with God’s help, there will be a new creation, a stronger entity, called marriage that can and will survive all that life can throw at it.