Football Void
If you have football fans in your household, then you are well aware by now of the void that not having football games Monday through Sunday has created.
Albert Einstein wrote of a vast black hole theory and as football widows can profess, the black hole does exist. It’s just not in space, but in your living room. As soon as the Super Bowl is over, the black hole begins to suck all the life out of your loved one. There are some advantages to this period of the year. You can finally pry the remote control from their fingers and vacuum the recliner as they roam aimlessly around the house sighing, “Woe is me, Woe is me.”
Even reruns of championship games on sports channels, documentaries on sports heroes, or pair ice skating can relieve their misery. Oh, there will be glimpses of life when they view a 3-point shot from mid-court, or a whole bunch of good ole boys in their 20s making left turns for 500 miles better known as the Daytona 500.
Nothing, Nothing, will suffice football, but baseball does give it a good try. The color announcer of most baseball games is capable of sending subliminal sleep messages with their droll information on stats and play-by-play action. Between your football fan snores can be heard in a nasal, monotone voice of the color announcer, “And that was low and away, pitcher Protoximical was drafted from the University of South Pittsburgh.” Pitcher Protozimical’s name sounds like an anti-biotic.
And speaking of the Daytona 500 which “start their engines” this coming Sunday, Feb. 21, how ‘bout those cars and drivers. In the old days, you could watch a race and see a red car with a number or a blue car and a number and know exactly which driver that was. Now, there are so many stickers on both car and driver, colors are no longer visible. The winner always has to thank his numerous sponsors, but with all those patches and stickers, it’s not really necessary and his winning speech on the stand is a garbled uttering, “Team soandso wonthisone for GiLowSatCargZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ”.
Countdown, only 216 more or less days until college and professional football begins.
Now is the time for you and your football fan to watch all those chick flicks that you have recorded over the past five months. Don’t be surprised if the thought of watching these movies inspires said fan to do long-needed chores, “I think I will grout the windows, or fix that loose board.” Over his shoulder, he yells, “Got to go get some grout and nails….” Don’t worry he’ll return by kick-off in September.