The Wonder Years
Beer, cookie delivery, fast food, late night snacks—all types of foods to be consumed, without guilt, by most college students. Stack on top of that very little adult supervision, stress and a dollop of transitioning—and there you have it, the Freshman 15.
As my daughter settles into her first few weeks of college life, I witness the pure joy and excitement this new season brings her. From my own similar experiences, I realize that this is the time when the fun begins, but also when the challenge to find peace in the chaos and balance amidst the juggling commences.
The last time I sent a child off to college it was all new. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, which probably made the transition a little easier. Naivety is bliss! This time was different. Not only did I know more of what to expect, this time my baby girl was leaving.
Most moms can identify with this deep sadness that comes with telling your comrade, your sister in fashion, boys and all things emotional –goodbye. Ouch and YEY! Feelings of sadness mixed with elation because you know without a doubt—she is ready. Somewhere deep down, so was I.
But look out parents. Helping your child through this phase can be a little tricky. What may have been appropriate for the first child may not be for the second. What works for one parent could be disastrous for another. I’m no professional at this, but if I were to give one piece of advice it would be—stop giving advice.
For instance, I thought I was well within my right to counsel my daughter on how to avoid gaining the freshman 15, until I heard a resounding, “PLEASE let me make my own mistakes!” After the sting wore off I realized, she is right. We must let our children screw up, fail and struggle—otherwise real transformation may never happen. While we try to navigate their lives, they may never figure out how to discover true peace and contentment.
Furthermore, if we don’t allow our children to develop into who they are meant to be during these wonder years, we may never experience that special adult relationship we should expect to have with our grown children.
The college years may bring weight gain, failed classes and body piercings. Your child may even get into legal trouble. Regardless of what you consider their failure, resist giving advice. Instead, show them how much you love them by trusting their decisions, support them when they ask for it and begin to enjoy the process.
For questions or concerns email: suzannemcginnis@me.com