I’m Fixing to Throw in the Towel, Call it Quits and Ride On Outta Here.

I’m fixing to throw in the towel, call it quits and ride on outta here.

That’s what the Lone Ranger did after his and Tonto’s last galloping episode of restoring justice to the righteous and deserving, and putting the bad guys out of business.

That’s what Gene Autry and Roy Rogers did, they rode on out of the scene, both of them singing a joyful cowboy song, after they had seen to it that all the outlaws, crooked officials, land barons and villains of all sorts had been dealt with.

I think the only thing Roy had over Gene was Dale. Dale Evans was Roy’s great looking cowgirl girl friend. Now Gene, he had Gabby Hayes, a grizzled, wild-haired, wise-cracking old rascal as his sidekick.

I liked Gabby, and he was faithful, but as a sidekick I think I would definitely take Dale.

At different times Gabby was also the sidekick of Roy, and of Hopalong Cassidy. Then Gabby went on to have his own show just for kids sometime in the early 1950’s.

Even Lash LaRou cracked his whip for the last time. Old Lash was faster with a leather whip than the villains were with their pistols. Lash would lash out with his whip when the outlaw drew his pistol and snatch it out of his hand as soon as he had cleared leather.

Now I don’t claim to have accomplished any of the feats of the aforementioned hero’s of my childhood, but they did all do their last show and ride on out, which is what I’m fixing to do.

I wrote the first I’m Fixin’ To column in January of 2006, entitled I’m Fixin’ to Cook me some Grits. That was six long years ago.

Seventy-two months ago. Three-hundred and twelve weeks ago.

Sometimes I would write them ahead of time, but on many occasions I would find myself staring at a blank sheet of paper late on Sunday night while I asked myself, “What in the world am I fixing to do?”

It’s true that I did anniversary a couple of them on Thanksgiving or Christmas, but I have written over 300 different ones. I have the printed stack here to prove it.

I wrote them a little bit about nothing and a lot about everything, but now I’m fixing to ride on outta here, and I hope all of you will be fixing to have some happy trails.