Good Idea
I have created a monster that seems to be growing in size and strength. At the time of creation, I thought I was doing the right thing for my children, given the circumstances; now I know I was wrong.
We have around here what I would call…no…let me not use that term, we have what I would refer to as an epidemic of massive proportions. What is it you ask? Well, let us just refer to it as the “Calling it, Shotgun” problem, ok; let me explain:
A while ago, a few of the children wanted to ride with me somewhere in the Jeep. When the other children realized that I was leaving, they began to throw a fit because they did not get chosen to ride with me. Also, one of the kids insisted on riding in the front seat…as did everyone else. After much deliberation, a few lawyers, some bribery, and a threat or two; I realized that there was no way I was getting out of this situation without being the bad guy.
I was just trying to get to the store for some milk and somehow ended up being the cruel unloving father who favors the twins and Mackenzie! It was then that I realized something had to be done…something that kept me neutral and happy…and I reverted back to how we handled such matters high school!
“OK” (I said feeling awfully proud of myself for creating a solution), “Here is how this is going to be done from now on…if you are riding with me, you have to call it ahead of time…and where everyone can hear you!” “If you want to ride in the front seat…you have to call SHOTGUN, that means you have officially gained the front seat of the Jeep, and the call cannot be challenged or overturned!”
I then went on to explain the rest of the “Shotgun” rules as I remembered them; while adding in a few of my own so as to avoid any future foreseen conflicts that may arise. Such as: you have to call the Jeep on the day of the ride…not two weeks in advance, who in the world could keep up with that calendar! Next, I would not, and could not be responsible for remembering the call, hearing the call, or recognizing the voice making the call from across the house and/or yard. Also, it does not matter how many times a person gets to ride “shotgun,” if you want more opportunities for the front seat…then you need to get a faster and louder mouth!
When you have won the front seat in the proper manner, you are not allowed to begin singing the “I got shotgun, I got shotgun, you’re a loser c’ause I got shotgun” song. This will cause you to immediately lose your position! Also, you are not allowed to sit in the back seat and cry for miles because you didn’t call shotgun soon enough. Let it be known that the Jeep is a NO CRYING ZONE and anyone caught crying will be excused to the big white marsh mellow van without delay!
Well I thought I was real smart…………and I’m not. All I managed to accomplish was the creation of a vile and wretched creature that has attacked every area of our lives! Mackenzie: “I got shot gun!” Sophie: “No! I got shot gun!” Mackenzie: “No you didn’t!” Sophie: “UH HUH!!!!” Lindsey: “So what, I called it like an hour ago.” Julieann: “You know that doesn’t count because no one heard you!” Lindsey: “I was in the shower c’ause mom said I had to bathe so it’s not my fault…anyways, I called it so there! Then all of them is unison…”Dad!!!” Man, I thought the whole point was to keep me out of this.
It now takes us hours to leave the house due to this issue. I have found myself sneaking out of the house these days as a regular habit, and sometimes this even works! The only thing is that this has spread far beyond the cars and their seats…it is everywhere. The kids are calling everything.
They are calling first dibs on everything; like the shower, the couch, and certain chairs at the dinner table, certain pants and shirts. They are calling dibs on the bathroom, the toilet, laying down with us in the bed, and certain pieces of chicken in the pan.
I had a moment of genius the other day and quoted from the Bible how the first shall be last and the last shall be first and for a brief moment we had absolute peace; then Lindsey got a glimmer in her eyes and loudly proclaimed…”I call being last!”
All I can say is pray for us please. Pray that our children will just get into the car and keep quiet. Pray that they will let things fall where they may without having to be the first in line; and pray that I will just keep my big mouth shut when I think I have a good idea!