I’m Fixing to Start Up this New Society

I’m fixing to start up this new society.

We’ll be calling it the Monticello Armadillo Gourmet Society. It won’t be exactly new because I intend to model it after one that already exists, or did exist at one time elsewhere in the South. But it will be new to Monticello.

Our mission will be to raise some funds for yet to be determined charities, while we feast on wild game.

At our inaugural dinner we’ll be serving deer stew, deer chili, tenderloin, chops, steaks, meat balls and barbecue from the neck meat.

There will also be wild roasted turkey, fried rattle snake, quail, rabbit, squirrel, and some squirrel dumplings. Let’s not forget the duck gumbo, fried catfish and a wild hog cooked in the ground along with some baked possum and sweet potatoes.

But everybody should know up front that the featured dish will be armadillo. The way we plan to cook it is to first wash it thoroughly, but you don’t need to gut it or anything. After washing we’ll put it on a wide cedar board and bake it at 350 degrees until the board turns a nice color of brown. Then we’ll remove it from the oven, discard the armadillo, and eat the cedar board with barbecue sauce.

But back to the formation of our new society, we are still formulating the rules, but the first one will be that everyone has to bring their own armadillo. If you have a difficult time trying to catch one, you can usually pick up a dead one along beside the road between Shady Dale and Newborn.

Being an old sales and marketing man, I realize we’re going to have to get the word out, and I have come up with an idea or two on that.

First off we’re going to limit the number of members. That’s an old marketing tool I remember—have something for sale that nobody else has, but still make it hard to get. So we’ll limit our membership to just a few.

We’ll have 50 charter memberships, then if any politicians or Presbyterians apply, we’ll consider them on individual cases and any who are found worthy will have to provide the possums.

I’m beginning to be a little overwhelmed with the magnitude of this task I have taken upon myself, so I’m fixing to put it on hold for right now.