I’m Fixing To Be Verbose

I’m fixing to be verbose.

Being verbose is usually a poor method of communication, since it is using more words than need to be said to get your point across. And now I’m fixing to be guilty of what I’m always accusing politicians and preachers of being.

However, a lack of verbosity can come in handy sometime. As an example, on one occasion I was waiting to be interviewed for a job, along with another candidate. He leaned over toward me, and said, “I’ve got a PHD.” I leaned over toward him, and simply said, “Well, I’ve got a GED.” He got real pale, sprang up, and left the building! I still don’t know what happened, unless he was so educated he didn’t know what a GED was. Anyway, I got the job.

But back to being verbose. I’m not going to take all the blame on myself as being the only one. I’ve known plenty of other people who delved in verbosity.

The first time I recognized it, and its debilitating effects, was from my momma. She must have said, “Get out of bed,” 15 different ways and for 15 times every morning. I admit I usually didn’t hear her the first time, and the second time it was a little fuzzy, but by the tenth time she said it one way or another, I was wide awake. Still, I didn’t have to get up yet because I knew she would keep me from going back to sleep by saying it five more times.

I had a boss one time, who was overly verbose. He must have told me a hundred times that I wasn’t reaching my goals. I wondered, didn’t he realize I was the first one to know that, and he didn’t have to keep saying it all the time?

A preacher can be a little bit verbose at times, too. I would like to interject here that I’ve heard countless sermons, but I can’t recall a one of them. What I do remember though was when the preacher took verboseness to another level and just wrecked the rest of my day. He kept carrying on until by the time we got out of the service the Baptists and Methodists had beat we Presbyterians to the buffet, and by the time I got to the fried okra it was all soggy, and the butter beans were all gone.

But I suppose the most abundant verboseness comes from politicians. I remember one told me last year that I was fixing to be gifted with a health care plan that I had to buy, would be fined if I didn’t, and that it would cover ten million more people without adding one more doctor, but would add 16,000 IRS agents.

He said it was written by a committee whose chairman said he didn’t understand it, passed by a Congress that didn’t read it, but did exempt themselves from it, and that it was going to be administered by a treasury chief who didn’t pay his taxes, but that we would be taxed for it for four years before it takes effect, and not to worry because it was going to be financed by a country that’s broke.
What could possibly be fixing to go wrong with that?