I’m Fixing to Turn Over a New Leaf
I’m fixing to turn over a new leaf.
That’s just another way of saying you’re going to change your ways, and a lot of people make an honest effort to do that this time of year in the form of a New Year’s resolution.
According to information compiled in a study by a tenured professor at a famous university, funded by a federal grant, 55-60 percent of all New Year’s resolutions are successful.
On the other hand, according to research done by my Cousin Elroy, about 98 percent of all these resolutions are abject failures.
I tend to go with Elroy’s information rather than the professor’s because he conducted his survey simply in the quest for knowledge rather than for grant money, plus he included a lot more information.
My cousin’s report indicated that the top resolutions included: Taming the bulge (as in your belly), get out of debt, get a job, rekindle a relationship with the in-laws, and to get some tickets to a Falcons game.
His report also informed us on how to choose a resolution, which the professor’s did not. I suppose the professor ran out of grant money when he got to that part.
Elroy said we ought to make a resolution about something we know we’ll feel good about accomplishing because success in a resolution is very reinforcing, while failure can be undermining. So if you’re not really ready to lose that 20 pounds, you probably should consider something which can be reasonably accomplished.
Elroy suggests you enlist the support of friends and family, and keep your goals modest.
He also informs that in order to keep our resolutions, we should make specific ones, such as instead of making a resolution to read more, make one saying you’ll read five books.
Finally, he stipulates you should make your resolutions a part of your lifestyle. If you’re committed to getting out of debt, cut up your credit cards and sponge off your in laws for a while.
He adds if you aren’t willing to make sacrifices, you aren’t really willing to reach your goals.
I was thinking about what my resolution would be and was leaning toward getting rid of the bulge, but that was going to be a problem because of that country ham I got for Christmas, and how good a few slices of it tasted on a biscuit.
I knew it wouldn’t do no good to try and get my family and friends to help because they wanted some of that ham too, and my proposed resolution wasn’t very specific since I hadn’t set the exact number of pounds I wanted to lose.
Remembering Cousin Elroy’s advice about making a resolution which you could reasonably accomplish, I resolved to be more specific and to be fixing to cut down to just two country ham biscuits every morning.