I’m Fixing To Give This County Away

I’m fixing to give this county away.

Well, if I was in charge I believe that’s what I would do. I would disband it and split it up among the surrounding counties.

You folks down in Hillsboro would be in Jones County. All my friends and the fine folks in Shady Dale would be in Morgan County. Everyone in Newborn could become part of Newton County.
The folks in Turtle Cove would probably want to vote on whether they wanted to be part of Newton or Butts County.

That way we could disband all the constitutional officers like the sheriff and the tax collector, and the board of assessors and all the other county government functions. They would all then belong to Jones, Morgan, Putnam, Newton or Butts County and we wouldn’t have to bother electing them or fussing about the jobs they were doing.

The courts would all be gone and we could use the courthouse as a theater and attract folks from far and wide to a live play entitled How Not To Run a County.

Our coffers would be overflowing with funds and our former county would be overrun with tourists, art lovers, curiosity seekers and the media.

Entrepreneurs would be clamoring to build motels and restaurants and chicken joints at every intersection. The Department of Transportation would be pressured to put in four-lane roads, traffic lights and signs.

And if someone wanted a license or a permit to do all those things they could just trot off to Morgan, Newton, Putnam, Jones or Butts County to get them.

The same would be true for citizens who wanted to complain about things, they could just go on over to their new county seat and do that.

The first two signs of advanced civilization is when people establish hospitals and libraries. Just think, if we were parts of other counties we might be able to go to the library more than two days a week, and have the peace of mind to know our hospital was going to be here if we needed it.

And the best part is we wouldn’t be fixing to need any county commissioners.