My Good Friend, Ben Tillman

My good friend, Ben Tillman, is gone. Like his family members, I keep hoping to wake up from this bad dream and Ben be right there, next door.

I don’t think I ever stopped to think what a good friend Ben was. Ben was always there. I think maybe he was more like a brother (I don’t know; I never had a brother). He shared in life’s joys and disappointments. I am writing these words at home and can’t bear the thought of going to the office.

As I look back, I realize Ben and I went through an awful lot together…having children and grandchildren, marriage and divorce, or the other way around; the loss of a parent (my mother, his father). Ben probably knew me better than all but a very few people.

Ben and I fought City Hall together…the council in all its wisdom voted to ask the Department of Transportation to do away with parking in front of our two businesses…none other in the city, just ours. The Chamber of Commerce in recent years has ignored us while wanting our dues money. We shared, usually happily, trash cans and parking spaces.

We’ve been neighbors a long time. Ben cooked my breakfast almost every day. I started buying Eggland’s Best eggs directly from Cal-Maine several years ago, and I took them to Ben to cook for me. Or, often my dear little sister, Jenny, took them over there.

When Jenny or I would go in the front door we got strange looks as we were carrying two or three eggs in our hands. (The stray cats that hang out between the Tillman House and The Monticello News also like eggs.)

But we used the back door more. We’d go in and stand in the kitchen and chat while Ben cooked my breakfast, and Sissy fixed up the plate(s) with whatever we were purchasing that day. We often got great news tips there. We always got great food.

And, we would go out and pay Connie at the drive-thru, or Alisha up front, or as oft was the case, we didn’t pay because we didn’t want to wait. We’d amble over later and pay our tab. Or, sometimes, we were broke. We’d just sign the ticket.

Ben was a morning person and I am a night owl. By the time I got to work in the mornings, Ben would be almost halfway through his work day. When his daddy, Mack had the restaurant, and my daddy, Bill, was active at the newspaper it was not unusual for them to meet each other as Dad was leaving and Mack was coming to work. Ben followed in his Dad’s footsteps.

I don’t remember when Ben wasn’t next door. His obituary said he had owned and operated the Tillman House Restaurant since 1985. In 1985, I was married, had returned to Monticello from school in Athens, and had a baby girl. I was working at The Monticello News.

Ben had a fierce pride and a gentle heart. He helped people out when they were down on their luck, but I doubt he ever asked for help.

I always said Ben could work a room better than anybody I knew. He served lunch every day. I’d go in and hear him ask each person in line a question….often a personal question as if they were close friends. Sometimes I’d ask him who the person was. He often didn’t know the person’s name. But, he knew what they liked to eat. He knew little things about them. He’d ask where their mama was or inquire about the health of a friend or loved one. He’d ask if they were on the way to or from their vacation home, because people would stop in each time they had occasion to pass through.

I have no doubt many planned their travels around stopping at The Tillman House for a meal and a kind word.

When Ben wasn’t busy at the steam table, he’d go out in the restaurant, walk from table to table and chat with the diners. He always had a ready smile.

And I certainly don’t mean it negative that he could work a room. He was genuinely interested in people. It was obvious. Ben loved people, and people loved Ben.

All of us who loved Ben are asking “why?” even though we know we’ll never understand. Jenny commented, “How could someone seem so happy on the outside, and be dying inside,” as he must have been. I think maybe Ben strove to make everyone else happy at his own expense.

I think of all the lives Ben influenced…hundreds of middle and high school students have enjoyed Tillman House breakfast while taking part in a prayer breakfast ministry. It’s gone on every Friday morning for a long time. Both my daughters loved Ben’s cooking, as well as the ministry and fellowship.

Last year, the preschool children at Monticello Baptist Church learned how good Ben’s pancakes were.

He had many regulars who were as dependable as clockwork. One person suggested I run a column in the paper called “ask the back table.” That individual assured me that group could offer sage advice on any problem.

I don’t think Ben had any idea how important he was to each of us. His untimely death has really shaken this community.
He seemed happy. The sun rose and set on his grandson, Ethan. He and his first wife, the former Karen Boone, were back together and happier than ever. His son, Bubba, was working with him every day, and certainly made his daddy proud. He always had a good relationship with his daughter, Sammie Dee. And his mother, Marjorie, was a stalwart.. She says she’s too old to work. But, she did sometimes,. Other times she just visited. And she babysat.

The Tillman family has always been tight knit, and all of them were in and out of the restaurant all the time, and at any given time you could find one or another of them working. Just last Friday, his niece was operating the drive-thru. His brother and sister handled a catering job Saturday.

We have some solace in the knowledge that Ben is in a better place and will not experience any hurt any more. But he sure did leave a huge void. I, for one, cannot ima-gine the family’s pain, because my pain is so great, and I know theirs is even greater. My heart goes out to each of them.

I wish there was something I could say or do to make it better for them…for me. But, Ben really is gone from our lives, for now anyway, so until we join him in heaven, we must go on without him. It’s sure going to be mighty hard.