I’m Fixin’ To….

I’m fixing to take a look into the future.
Instead of 2006, it’s 2056, fifty years from now. I was out in Mexifornia, formerly known as California, on a quest to get the English language recognized as their third language.

I had encountered trouble getting out there from the start. The Feds at the airport had arrested me when I went through security and charged me with carrying a concealed weapon.

A big argument had broken out among them about whether to charge me with carrying a nail file or a fly swatter disguised as a rolled up news paper.

They gave me a court date and allowed me to proceed after news broke out that the last remaining conservative in Massachusetts had been executed.

After I had finally gotten on the plane and settled into my seat, I began to read a story in my newspaper about a baby being conceived naturally and how scientists were stumped.
There was another story about Cuban Cigars now being imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton, III, had banned all smoking. The good news was that George Z. Bush was getting ready to run against her.

Once I got to Mexifornia, I had to walk because the ozone created by electric cars was killing millions of people. It didn’t smell too great either because there were so many spotted owls that they were dying in droves and clogging up air ducts and drain pipes.

There was more breaking news when I got to my hotel. France was pleading for help from the United Nations after being overrun by a group of North Dakota National Guardsmen who were vacationing there.

It got worse. A group of vegetarians announced they had just bought out the Varsity and would be serving nothing but carrot dogs going forward.
More still—the Japanese had created a camera with such a fast shutter speed that they could photograph a politician with his mouth shut. The Supreme Court ruled that punishment of criminals violated their civil rights. Florida voters were still having trouble with their voting machines.
I think I’m fixing to just hang around in 2006, as long as I can.