Make a Prediction

I’m fixing to make a prediction.

People like to make predictions, especially if they come to pass.

However, if you look at the people who make them they are usually fortune tellers, gamblers or misguided religious zealots seeking attention.

The fortune tellers use tricks like magicians to make people believe they can predict the future, but they can’t. If you put their predictions to a long range test they usually turn out to be not true, or if they are, it’s something anyone could have predicted.

Gamblers come in many forms predicting great profits, whether it be from lotto tickets, casinos, stocks and bonds, or sports scores; but they too are guessing and their predictions are just that—predictions of what may or may not come true, what they hope will happen and not what they know will happen.

Then there’s the religious predictors, the ones who draw attention to themselves or their cause by predicting the world is coming to an end. I usually pay a mild amount of attention to them because it’s a pretty serious deal if the world is coming to an end. I mean you want to get your affairs in order if that’s going to happen.

People can cause havoc by predicting stuff. As an example, my cousin, the Reverend Cornelius “Crazy” Prescott, once predicted the price of a first class stamp was going up to thirty dollars and that the post office was going to reduce mail delivery to every other Wednesday. We moved quickly and got him committed to an institution and quelled the riots breaking out at the post office.

But back to those other religious world-ending predictions, the first one I ever heard was at a tent revival where the preacher, who claimed to be Elmer Gantry’s great grandson, amid his ranting and ravings, predicted the world was going to end the next day unless everyone in attendance put at least $20 in the collection plate.

I found a loose flap on the side of the tent and eased out, but there were other gullible souls who remained and complied.

I recall several other situations where so-called preachers of the gospel predicted the end of the world, but I always took comfort in that the Good Book tells us He will do in His own good time when He’s good and ready!

In the meantime, I hope my prediction comes true, because I’m fixing to predict this column will be in the paper this week.