Hang Up the Phone
I’m fixing to hang up the phone.
That’s what I told the caller with an accent who telephoned me last night while I was fixing to partake of this great dinner consisting of corned beef and cabbage, with creamed potatoes, some pinto beans cooked with a ham hock, and some crackling corn bread.
I had this steaming plate of glorious goodies in front of me and my fork was poised in the air when the phone rang.
His name was Gandi, or Gandee, I’m not sure which, but I am pretty sure, because of his accent, that he was calling from India or Indonesia.
At first I attempted to convince him that he had a wrong number, but he assured me that was not the case. This was while I held a fork full of steaming cabbage in front of my face with the juices dripping back onto my plate.
I wanted to stuff the succulent mass into my mouth and utter something incoherent into the phone, but he beat me to the punch by asking me if I would be interested in participating in his survey.
I told him that of course I would love to participate in his survey, that I had been sitting by the phone all evening hoping he would call, then I stuck the cabbage in my mouth, followed by a bite of everything else on my plate while Gandi, or Gandee, rattled on about all the free gifts he had for me.
After several more bites, I managed to catch my breath, interrupted his monologue and asked him if he would be kind enough to leave me his home phone number and what time he had dinner, and could I call him back then with my decision?
Gandi, or Gandee, ignored my request and launched off into his survey while I munched on my crackling corn bread.
While I walked to the fridge to refresh my iced tea, I kept trying to tell him that I just wasn’t interested in a free cruise. He didn’t want to listen so I just stuck the phone in the meat drawer of the fridge right next to the baloney while I poured my tea–and I left it there, closed the fridge door and returned to my feast.
I was fixing to have myself seconds while Gandi, or Gandee, talked to cold cuts in the fridge.