Tickle Some Ivories

I’m fixing to tickle some ivories.

I never had any ambition to play the piano. It was my momma’s idea. She made me do it.

I remember hearing all my friends snickering and I saw them punching each other and nodding toward me as they headed toward the play ground for some dodge ball, softball or whatever the recess agenda called for, while I headed off to the music room.

My instructor was a kind lady who spread my little fingers across the keyboards while she explained the music notes my fingers were striking. I wanted to be striking a softball with a bat, or one of my smart friends in the mouth with a dodge ball.

It took a dramatic event to convince my momma she was wasting her hard earned money in her attempt to make me a keyboard artist.

I had struggled through the lessons and now it was recital time, when everybody displayed their talent on the stage of the school auditorium in front of their parents and the student body.

Prior to their performance each young artist would walk out onto the stage and turn the page on this large and heavy flip chart, which introduced them and the title of the piece of music they were to perform.

When my turn came I walked out and flipped the chart, which towered over my head, turned and nervously headed toward the piano. About half-way across the stage I became award of guffaws from the audience.

I surmised, looking over my shoulder and seeing them pointing to the flip chart, that they were amused at the title of my music, Inch Me And Pinch Me.

I forged on, arrived at the piano, got seated and placed my music sheet on the pedestal. Then with hands raised and fingers spread, ready to pounce on the keys, I noticed that my music sheet was upside down. For just a moment I froze, then in one quick motion I reversed the music sheet and resumed my position, but the situation had not gone unnoticed. I realized that when I heard another ripple of laughter roll through the audience.

Finally, mercifully, it was quiet again and I concentrated on the music notes. Then at the exact moment my fingers were descending on the first note, the big heavy flip chart crashed to the floor of the stage with a loud bang, followed by a collective gasp from the shocked crowd.

During the ensuing confusion, while the crowd was buzzing in confusion and the principal was attempting to right the flip chart, I found middle C and played Inch Me And Pinch Me.

I struck my last note just as things quieted down again. When I stood up and bowed, for some reason I received a thunderous applause, but I had a feeling it wasn’t in appreciation of my musical talent.

At any rate, I knew it was fixing to be my last performance.