Make a New Year’s Resolution

I’m fixing to make a New Year’s resolution.

I had a few things in mind. Trouble was, I didn’t know whether to vow to quit eating at the Varsity, get a better job, exercise more, save money, become more organized, be more patient, or stop reading the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

The truth is, I needed to do all of the aforementioned, but that would be like attempting to put a gallon of milk in a quart jar. It just wouldn’t work, so the logical thing to do would be to pick out the one most beneficial to myself and others.

After a great deal of pondering the choices I realized I just couldn’t go through life without ever chomping down on a chili dog again, so forget that Varsity thing.

If I got a better job it might turn out not to be better after all, because the grass isn’t always greener over the hill.

I considered the exercise thing long and hard. I even gave it a trial run until I turned an ankle, pulled a muscle and got blisters on my feet. Check that one off the list.

Saving money is always a good idea, but I looked everywhere and couldn’t find any to save, so scratch that one.

Becoming more organized was next on my list, so I gave it a trial run. It turned out that when I got everything organized, I couldn’t find anything. Eliminate that option.
I was getting down to a precious few, in fact, all that was left was two, so what to do?

Next to last on my list was to be more patient, but I knew I just didn’t have the patience to be more patient.

So there I was, stuck with not reading the AJC anymore. I wouldn’t miss the editorials or the misleading headlines, but when I thought about giving up the vent and the comics, I began to have second thoughts.

That’s when I got this brilliant notion for the perfect resolution, that solved it all!

I’m fixing to make a resolution not to make any resolutions. Happy New Year to all y’all!