I’m Fixin To Run For Public Office

I’m fixing to run for public office.

Well, I was fixing to, but I forgot to fill out the forms and pay the fees and all that stuff until it was too late. But it’s just as well because I didn’t have my heart in it.
If I was going to run though, if I was really going to, then I would run as a Democrat. That may seem a little strange to some since I lean a little toward the Republican persuasion. I do that mostly because they claim to stand for smaller government and less taxes. Although I have to admit that during their recent terms of power the government sure didn’t get any smaller.

The reason I would run for office as a Democrat though is because you can’t say anything bad about a Democratic candidate. Well, you can, but it doesn’t matter, it’s okay. It’s usually just the rabble making up stuff and the media pays no heed. Why you could probably run off a bridge and drown a young girl and still get elected over and over as long as you’re running on a Democratic ticket.

Now if you’re running on the Republican ticket and you get a parking violation, you might as well pack it in because the Inquisition will be on to reveal everything you ever said or did from the moment of your conception. There won’t be any need to read the polls, just dismiss all your volunteers and try to figure how you’re going to get past the media circus on your front lawn.

Another reason I would run as a Democrat is because they know how to change and manipulate the election laws in their favor, all legal, of course.

For instance, when Old Democratic State Senator Blueblood kicked the bucket and a certain state had a Republican Governor, the Democratic controlled state legislature immediately changed the law so there had to be a special election rather than the Republican Governor appointing a Republican replacement.

After they did that, a few years later when Old Democratic State Senator Snort took that eternal nap, the Democratic controlled state legislature immediately went into action and changed the law back so that the now Democratic Governor could appoint a Democrat to replace him.

And they do it with no shame, like a gang of bullies changing the rules in the middle of a game to benefit themselves. And the media barely mentions it.

So you see, that’s why I would run as a Democrat, if I was going to run.

However, I would like it to be known if I am nominated I will not run on any ticket, and if elected I won’t be fixing to serve.