Go To A Memorial Service

I’m fixing to go to a memorial service.

Yes, I’m sorry to report that my Uncle Vertis, my cousin Elroy’s daddy, went and died on us. He was my uncle on my momma’s side of the family, and his wife had “passed on” a few years earlier.

Uncle Vertis had five children, including Elroy and his twin brother, Leroy, who everybody in the family just pretends doesn’t exist.

The preacher who conducted the service really excelled at coming up with creative ways of saying my uncle had died.
He had been a bartender, and the opening line of the preacher’s eulogy was, “Heaven’s got a new bartender.”

I supposed that whatever you do on earth it just so happens to be something they need in heaven, but I didn’t think they needed any bartenders up there and I couldn’t visualize a bunch of angels sitting around in a bar watching a football game.

It sounded a lot better when he ended his part of the service by saying “The Lord has called him home,” and, “He has gone rejoicing out of this world.”

I found out later what he was rejoicing at when the Lord had called him home, but that’s getting ahead of myself.
After that some of his friends took turns talking about the “dearly departed.”

Bubba Larrimore got up and said Uncle Vertis has been “Called to his reward when his Harley slid up under that big truck,” and, “he’s looking down on us now from a better place.”

When Chester Finney said, “He has bid farewell to this world,” and, “Has commenced his inseparable union with his much beloved wife.” About this time I heard a few muffled snickers behind me.

It ended on a good note when someone said, “He has bid farewell to this old world,” and, “Is looking down on us from heaven.” Based on what he said I supposed that people in heaven did a lot of looking down and when you got up there it was just like you had a big picture window looking down on the earth.

When I got to the wake, I found out the descriptions of my uncle’s departure was quite different from the things they had said at the church. These observations were made by some folks who didn’t seem to be missing him as a bartender.

Now it seemed he had “taken a dirt nap, bought the farm, was pushing up daisies, kicked off, got his number called.”
I also heard how it had been his night off and he had said he was fixing to do some rejoicing at his own place of work.