I’m Fixing to Just About Freeze

I’m fixing to just about freeze.

However, a great blessing has been bestowed upon me as a result of this cold weather we’ve been having. Yes, something good has come out of the snow, the ice and the freezing rain.

The blessing is that I’ve discovered this new theory that the earth is getting colder because of the weather. I’m going to call the theory Global Tail Freezing, and I’m fixing to make a killing with it.

What I’m going to do is market some products based on this theory, but rather than hiring sales people I’m going to hire some out of work scientists because they can get the government involved and get us some grant money.

We’ll start off with a relatively simple product. It’ll be a revolutionary new thermostat that will save a great deal of power. The way it’ll work is it will read ten degrees higher than the temperature is. So when you set it on 72 degrees it will actually maintain the room temperature at 62 degrees. Brilliant!

And for those cold nights, instead of an electric blanket that eats up so much power and energy, we’ll introduce a battery powered one. It will sell for about $500, plus the cost of replacing the batteries, which will become a byproduct for us. In approximately 30 years it will just about pay for itself by the cost of power you have saved.

But what I expect to be our hottest item will be self heating underwear. The way they’ll work is they will have a little nuclear cell embedded in them that absorbs hot air. The only drawback with this product is that you might get a little overheated if you hang around certain people too long.

This may all sound like a hair brained idea, but when I turn my scientist-sales people loose, the first thing you might hear is the cost of our power saving products will be tax deductible items, and some politician’s son will be getting an all expense paid education at a school of his choice in the Ivy League, except you probably won’t hear about this last bit of information.

So you see, it’ll be good for everyone. We’ll create some jobs, get new tax deductions, save a lot of power and energy and send a kid to college, all fixing to be because of Global Tail Freezing.