I’m Fixing to Try to Slim Down a Little

I’m fixing to try to slim down a little.

I’m afraid to check my blood pressure and cholesterol level because I suspect they both are way out of line. It’s been too cold and wet to play golf, or even take a walk, consequently, the extent of my exercise has been limited to walking downstairs to the kitchen to fix myself a bacon and cheese sandwich.

I had an Elvis moment last night and mixed up some honey with some peanut butter, slathered it on both slices of bread, then sliced up a couple of bananas on it before I fried it in butter. Wow! It was good, and I washed it down with a quart of milk.

Later on, about midnight, I turned on the outside lights and watched the freezing mist coming down, and it made me real hungry, so I opened a fresh bag of Cheetoes and crunched on them while I watched Ironsides on TV.

Cheetoes make you thirsty, so I opened a Coke. You know how you always want to guzzle a Coke after you’ve eaten a bunch of Cheetoes, but you can’t because of the carbonation? Well, I didn’t want to waste the part of my Coke that was left over, so I put some ice cream into a glass and poured the rest of it over the ice cream and made myself a Coca-Cola Float.

That float tastes real cool and creamy after the ice cream melts in the Coke, and it made me want some chocolate cookies with it. There was only two of them left so I opened a new box of Oreo’s, but by then the float was gone and so I poured myself another glass of milk, but I couldn’t drink it all.

That was until, way back in the depths of the fridge, behind two jars of mayonnaise, I spotted half of a chocolate pie left from two days ago, and it helped me finish off that glass of milk.

It was about then that I got a taste for some cheese, and there was a drawer in the fridge dedicated for cheese only. I found a big block of extra sharp cheddar, and best of all, a big hunk of jarlsburg cheese which I had ordered over the internet directly from Decatur Dairies way up in Wisconsin during a weak moment back in December.

I broke out some crackers to go with the cheese and, it wasn’t long before more milk was needed.
The good news is that if this
winter doesn’t hurry up and end, I’m fixing to be able to lease myself out as a blimp.