I’m Fixing to Be a Believer

I’m fixing to be a Believer.

I wonder what non-believers do at Christmas time? It must be mighty tough on them. I mean Santa Claus has already crossed them off his list before he even leaves the North Pole. They ain’t even gonna get no hard candy. They won’t even get any assorted nuts. If anything, they might get some fruitcake, but as far as I’m concerned they can have all the fruitcake. Never did care for it, but I do like a coconut one.

These poor atheists and non-believers have nothing to decorate, nothing to celebrate, no packages to open, no bells to jingle, no lights to light, no wreaths to hang, no carols to sing, no candles to light, no stockings to hang, no oranges to peel, and no joy for their redemption.

Where do they go on Christmas Day? Everything’s closed, even the dens of iniquity. Maybe they go see their momma’s or their children just like Believers do. But if they do, what do they do when they are together? We already covered all the things they don’t do, so what do they celebrate? I’ll wager they sit around and tell jokes about Christmas. One of them probably asks, “What kind of motorcycle does Santa Claus ride?” And when nobody knows the jokester says, “ A Holly Davidson!” and they all roar with laughter.

Another one probably asks, “What do you call someone who doesn’t believe in Father Christmas?” Once again they are all stumped and the jokester says, “A rebel without a Claus!” and once again they all bubble over with fake mirth. Then it gets real quiet as they all realize the TV is blaring out Bing Crosby’s rendition of I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas. They immediately change the channel but to their unbelieving frustration no matter which button they hit on the flipper it takes them to something related to Christmas.

I first became a believer long ago when all I wanted for Christmas was my two front teeth. I had wished and sang for many days about that:

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth

It seems so long since I could say

Sister Susie sitting on a thistle

Gee, if I could only have my two front teeth

Then I could wish you a Merry Christmas

I remember waking up one Christmas morning and there were two little ridges of ivory peaking through my gums and I had my two front teeth!

The song, All I Want for Christmas is my two Front Teeth, was written in 1944 by Donald Gardner.

Oh, by the way, my publisher called yest

erday and informed me she is sending me a contract on The Salvation of Miss Lucretia!

Praise the Lord, I’m a Believer, and I’m fixing to celebrate!