I’m Fixing to Go Over Yonder.

(Editor’s Note: Ted Dunagan is on Sabbatical from writing his column. For the next few weeks, The Monticello News will feature some columns that ran previously.)

I’m fixing to go over yonder.

I’m surprised the word yonder is even in the dictionary. But there it was, defined as an indicated distant or somewhat distant place usually within site.

How far is over yonder? I have come to determine that over yonder can be a measurement without exact dimensions. It can be over yonder in the kitchen, over yonder down the road, over yonder across town, over yonder in the next county, or even over yonder in China.

Something, someone or somewhere can be just over yonder, over yonder somewhere or way over yonder. Then on the other hand, sometimes over yonder can be an exact measurement. It can be over yonder next to the Dairy Queen, over yonder just past Uncle Virgil’s house or over yonder on the next isle just beyond the mayonnaise.

I can remember my father telling me to go over yonder to the tool shed and fetch his hammer. In that case I knew exactly where over yonder was.

But then I also remember my mother telling me to go over yonder somewhere and quit bothering her. That could have been anywhere. I could have gone way out yonder to Albuquerque, and still have been minding her.

Some folks just don’t understand where over yonder is whether it is in site or out of site. I was up yonder in New York City on Fifth Avenue one time when a tourist, who must have been from over yonder in some other Yankee City, asked me if I knew where the Plaza Hotel was.

When I pointed north up the avenue and said it’s right up yonder on the left, he backed away from me with a suspicious frown and went searching elsewhere for his directions.

I have even known over yonder to take on a celestial connotation indicating the great beyond. I remember ny Aunt Cleo, while lying on her death bed, saying she was soon going to be over yonder in the land of wonder.

I’m not quite ready for that yet. The place I’m fixing to go over yonder to isn’t distant at all. It’s right over yonder across the room and well within sight.

I’m fixing to go over yonder to the sofa and take me a nap.