I’m Fixing to Get My First Social Security Check

(Editor’s Note: Ted Dunagan is on Sabbatical from writing his column. For the next few weeks, The Monticello News will feature some columns that ran previously.)

I’m fixing to get my first Social Security check.

And I’ve been debating with myself about what I shall do with it. I never thought I would live to see the day but if I can make it two more weeks I’ll have that sucker in the bank.

My brother gets his in the mail because he says he likes to look at it before he cashes it and doesn’t want invisible hands handling his money. I’m having mine directly deposited electronically to my checking account because that way I get it a day or two earlier.

I still haven’t made a decision about what to do with it. I might just use it to go to Jiffy Lube and get the oil changed in my old truck, or I’ve also been contemplating the idea of going to Wal-Mart and buying myself a couple of cans of Spam with it.

I’ve been paying into it since 1959, when I got my first job sacking groceries. They even took deductions from the pitiful little salary I earned in the military from 1961 through 1964.

As the years ticked by I would watch my check increase around the middle of each year as my salary reached the maximum deduction point. Then in the 90’s, when I began to make some serious money, I noticed the maximum deduction reached a serious level also, and the politicians just kept taking my money with the promise of making me socially secure.

I’m glad I didn’t listen to them, and took it upon myself to provide for my own security and livelihood. I took out less then they did from my check and invested it for many less years than they did and actually did provide my own social security.

If they had let me invest all those deductions over the last 50-plus years, I would be able to change the oil in Air Tran’s fleet weekly, and start my own Spam factory.

But it’s still a great country and my check is coming in two weeks. And after considerable thought I’ve forgotten about the oil change and the Spam.

As soon as my check arrives, I’m fixing to head to the Varsity and get me some chili dogs.