I’m Fixing to Get Myself a Tattoo

I’m fixing to get myself a tattoo.

I’m not sure what type I’ll get yet, or exactly where I’ll be placing it on my body.

Despite the current fascination with tattooing and the immense popularity of covering oneself with ink, the history of tattooing was traced back to over 5,000 years ago when a group of scientists uncovered the 5,000 year old body of an ice man or cave man in Europe.

It was the best preserved corpse from that period of time ever discovered, and it had over 57 tattoos on it. One of them was a heart on his chest with “me love cave woman” written in the center of it. Just kidding.

In ancient China tattoos were associated with criminals or bandits. Throughout history tattooing has conveyed some sort of message or signified a person’s station in life. As recently as the sixties and seventies most tattoos you saw were on the forearms of old sailors or soldiers of an anchor or a flag signifying their pride in the branch of service they had served in.

Well, that’s not the case anymore. Now-a-days folks have tattoos everywhere. Young ladies tend to get them right above—well, very low on their backs. And they will sink even lower as time goes by, of their own accord. Some young people cover their arms completely with them. They even put them on their chests, back, legs, and go to the extreme of putting them on their necks and faces.

And they don’t seem to convey any kind of conventional message. They are usually just swirls and circles and tribal appearing points and angles as if to just decorate. Maybe that’s their message to decorate.

None of them say “momma” or their girl friend’s name. My Cousin Elroy had his girl friend’s name tattooed high up on his shoulder, and as time went by he kept crossing them out and adding new girl friend names underneath until the list went all the way down to his wrist and he had to start on the other arm. Now that’s a message.

A nice tattoo of a skull and cross bones on the side of your neck will really enhance your chances when you go for a job interview. But maybe the idea of getting the job plays second fiddle to being cool.

Well, back to getting my own tattoo. I still haven’t decided where or what. Maybe I’ll get my wife’s name tattooed on my chest. That ought to be safe after 49 years. Or maybe I’ll get “born to write” tattooed on my hand.

I’m having second thoughts now that I remembered a friend of mine in the military who went on a wild weekend and reported back to duty with a big rose tattooed on his shoulder. The trouble was that it had a woman’s name underneath it and he couldn’t remember who she was.

A few weeks later he had it surgically removed, and it left a nasty scar, what with tattoo removal not being an exact science at that time. I foresee a great field of opportunity in the future for some young people to be Doctors of Tattoo Removal.

Okay, I’ve got it! I’m going to get a tattoo saying “I’m Fixing To” on the side of my neck!

But my momma didn’t raise no fools, so I’m fixing to get it done with disappearing ink!