Article Penning

Most writers aspire for a Pulitzer prize, a book deal, signings and tours, but I set my bar slightly lower. Ah, to write for one of those supermarket tabloids with headlines, “Space Aliens deliver Snooki’s baby in Jersey” or “Honey Boo Boo steals ratings from the Rep and Demo Conventions.” What a dream job!

Imagine the thrill of penning a piece about who will take the Mirror Ball trophy when Season 15 of Dancing With the Stars returns on September 24. How time flies, 15 seasons and the show just started in 2005. Do the math. And how about those dancing stars, who are they anyway?

To take pen to paper to write an in depth article on Miley Cyrus and Pink’s identical mohawk do’s at the VMA, that took a whole lotta bleach. Or what about that stirring question on everyone’s mind, who will win the Presidential World Series, ask the folks who ought to know, any of the Kardashians, DWTS judges, Carrie, Len and Bruno, Nicki Minaj, or Sofia Viagra.

My first journalism professor wrote in big red letters across my first reporting article, ”Libel, Libel, Libel,” the next teacher said, “You have murdered the English language.” With so much encouragement and guidance, it is no wonder that I am stuck down here on the fourth page bottom middle.

Note to self—pitch new idea to Editor Kathy Mudd, “Say, Kathy, hows ‘bout I infiltrate the Romeos at the Dairy Queen and get a scoop or at least a Blizzard?”

Editor Kathy squints in my direction and says, “Great idea Jernigan and bring me back a Flame Thrower and a large fry while you’re down there.”