Say It Ain’t So

Now that we have eaten all the leftover Halloween candy, we have a mere two weeks to shed all those pounds before the big eatin’ day, Thanksgiving. According to authorities, we typically eat 3,000 to 4,500 calories that day.

“Consumer Report” magazine, born to analyze and report just about everything, spares no mercy on Thanksgiving dinner foods.

First, they write that a piece of pumpkin pie sans the dessert topping is one of the biggies, 1/8th of a nine-inch pie serving is 280 calories. Isn’t that like a sliver of pie? Second, on the list of high calorie foods is mashed potatoes at 237 calories, that is without gravy. Third calorie topper is green bean casserole. They suggest substituting a green salad with non-fat dressing, a 1/2 cup of green beans, and a serving of skinless turkey breast the size of a deck of cards. Please don’t eat the deck of cards from hunger.

Of course, there is no mention of the South’s favorite desserts pecan pie and coconut cake.

And everybody knows the only way to cook a turkey is by deep-frying in gallons of peanut oil.

Imagine eight people eating on a nine-inch pie. When everyone knows that size pie is meant to serve four at the most or maybe two.

To burn up the calories from a typical Thanksgiving meal, after eating go run for four hours. Right! You’ve heard the expression, “Hate to eat and run,” well, it’s not the same thing. How many calories do you burn using the remote to change channels from one football game to another, speed remote changing? How many calories can we burn talking on the cellphone? If your jaws are moving a mile a minute that should burn some calories. What about shopping online? Surely that one counts.

This sentence will never be uttered at the Thanksgiving table, “What about seconds anyone? Oh, not for me, I just want to finish munching on this celery stick, crunch, crunch.”

Good Luck.