Pitching A Fit

Last week, in a local grocery store, I heard a child, a few aisles over, having a total meltdown, the modern terminology for throwin’ a fit. After a few minutes, the decibels of screaming increased as I got to the end of the aisle.

Suddenly, almost face to face with the screaming child, a father who looked helpless and an older child, who seemed oblivious to the ear splitting noise, walking beside the shopping cart. The small, but loud, girl was sitting in the shopping cart as the father tried to finish up the list on the paper he held in one hand. I made a turn and the family continued down the aisle next to me as the screaming continued.

A few minutes later I was face to face with them again, but this time, the father was holding the girl, as the screaming continued unabated. She could be heard from green peppers to bakery, what a set of lungs. If this screaming child doesn’t grow up to be a mezzo soprano who can hit a high C any day of the week, then she has missed her calling. According to Barbra Streisand, herself considered a great soprano, once was asked by a interviewer, “How do you hit the high notes so well?” In typical Streisand style, she responded, “I just scream better than most people.”

So, there, but unless you can find someone to pay you to do good screaming, here’s two scenarios:

In recent months we have heard a lot of screaming without any relief and I thought the next time I am faced with a problem like slow traffic, I just stop my car, get out, and start having a meltdown. What would happen? Would other drivers also stop and come to my aid?

Or, you are in a hurry and there are others waiting to be checked out at the box store, the post office, the grocery store, just start screaming and see if this will get you to the front of the line. Those in traffic or in line ahead of me would part like Moses parting the Red Sea. In your dreams.

Screaming only helps if it has given you immediate satisfaction in the past. By the time you are only a few years old, hopefully, you have learned screaming at the wrong people, time or place has some immediate consequences. Alas, some never learn.

Of course, this Hello was written with tongue in cheek, just for a laugh, we certainly need one of those, but the screaming girl part is true. One might say it is just a bunch of palaver. Or, as the Dude from “The Big Lebowski” would say, “Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion…”