I’m fixing to upgrade my cell phone

I’m fixing to upgrade my cell phone.

Well, maybe.  

I recently took a trip with my four children and two of my grandchildren and I was looking forward to conversation around the diner table that evening, but as soon as everyone was seated out came the smart phones and they all began poking at the icons on their individual little screens, sliding their fingers left to right, and right to left, while they checked on everything from messages to the position of the stars.

According to the Pew Report 87 percent of American adults own a cell phone, and 45 percent of those are smart phones.

Taking advantage of being ignored, I decided to check in at home and pulled out my old flip-phone.

I hadn’t even finished dialing my number before I began to hear stifled snickering all around the table. When I looked up, not only were all of them grinning like a litter of sarcastic  possums, they were also rolling their eyes and poking at each other.  

After I stared them all down like I used to do when they were little and misbehaving at the dinner table one of them shyly volunteered, “Uh, dad, you need a new phone.”

Later on, between the salad and the steak, I noticed two of them were occasionally looking up at each other and grinning, before they once again lowered their heads and continued to peck away.  This went on until I couldn’t stand it anymore so I asked one of them what was going on?  She told me they were texting each other — typing and sending messages to each other across the table.  

When I inquired why didn’t they just use the spoken word to convey the message, her brother ignored my question while he  showed me a joke printed out on his screen that his sister had just transmitted to him.  The joke was funny, but that’s when I discovered they had forgotten how to spell!

Last year 2.27 trillion text messages with bad English were sent.

Another one had bragged to me about how he had three days off work, but there he was checking and leaving messages on how to do this and that, and when it had to be done, and what it would take to do it in materials and manpower.

It’s amazing that in our culture we make ourselves available at all times.  There are no more three-day weekends, or time off at all, because we have made ourselves available every minute of every day.

I turned toward my grandchildren, hoping I could get some kind of conversation going with them, but alas, one was on Facebook and the other was on Twitter!

People spend an average of over three hours each day on social networks, sending and receiving, messages, jokes, pictures and all kinds of information.

Then the flashing began! Their cell phones had suddenly become cameras and they were taking pictures, which within minutes would be posted to their friends and family on e-mail and all the social networks, and their friends would forward them on to theirs and theirs would do the same on to theirs, and on and on into infinity!

I’m sure these numbers have grown by now, but recently the Pew Studies revealed that 13 percent of cell phone users pretend to be using their phone to avoid social interaction; 42 percent used their phone for entertainment when they are bored; 51 percent used them to get information; only 29 percent turn off their phones to take a break from their digital life at night, and 27 percent say they have trouble doing something because they do no have their phone with them.

I survived the trip with my children and grandchildren, but before parting they all requested that I call them or text them after I got home safely.

After some reflection I decided to use a forgotten form of technology to communicate with them, so I’m fixing to write them all a letter and I’m fixing to send it by snail mail.